Why am I failing so epically at Motherhood!

Picture the scene and tell me does it feel somewhat familiar to you…..?

You have a career that you enjoy, and you are damn good at it in fact! You are a trusted and well-respected person in your line of work, and know the job inside out. When you think about your work, you feel confident that you deliver at a great level and feel content. Your job also provides you the freedom to generally do and have what you want, and go places you love to go.

Fertile Body Method

You are also in a loving relationship, you share many care free, spontaneous holidays,days out, loving moments together whilst getting to know one another more and more! Your relationship is solid, this person is ‘the One’, the yin to your yang, the person you want to grow old with!

After months maybe years of living together, you feel the natural next step is to cement your love with the fruit of your loins!

Yes! let’s have a baby, what could be more beautiful and more perfect than creating life together.

After a few months of ‘trying’ that magic blue line appears, and you feel overjoyed! So, excited for all that the future holds and the new life that is developing along with dreams for the family you are about to become.

For the next 9(ish) months, you see your baby on the screen a few times, you share your news with all your family and friends. You watch your belly grow, feel them kick and move inside of you. You speculate on what this gorgeous creation is going to look like ‘Will she have your eyes’ ‘will he play football for England’ and what you are going to name him or her.

You buy everything you could possibly need, decorate the nursery in beautiful colours with matching bedding, read books on pregnancy and birth and attend Hypnobirthing sessions, and eagerly await the safe arrival of your bundle.

And then the day finally arrives where you get to meet your baby for the first time, they are born safely into the world and into your arms and you feel love like you have never experienced before. This little person, so small and so perfect has entered your life, and you immediately feel that life is complete. This amazing amalgamation of the two of you could not be more perfect.

You start out on this life as a threesome, and all seems to be going to plan…..but then things maybe take a different path than you first envisaged! Maybe breastfeeding isn’t quite as you had hoped, or your baby seems so unsettled at times of the day, and nothing you do can calm or settle them?

Taking a long shower has become a thing of the past, in fact you have mastered the ’30 second shower/dry yourself’ technique to the point you would win first if it was an Olympic event! You can’t even remember the last time you washed and straightened your hair, and the day to day look is the ‘scraped back into a ponytail’ one.

The days of going out the door in clothing that doesn’t have baby sick on it, seem so far away now……..you even begin to feel a sense of loss for those days.

Those long sleepless nights feel so lonely and isolating and you are sick of your own company! Being in your head is not much fun as you find yourself more and more, looking back at your old life and feeling so resentful.

Resentful of the mornings when you would get out of bed after a good solid chunk of sleep, (and the ones where you had only a few hours were self-inflicted and came off the back of a great night out out!) ‘Why didn’t I appreciate those days more!’ ‘Why can’t you bank sleep before you have a baby!’

Days when you had adult conversations that didn’t involve which boob I used last time, or what day/time/colour the last poo was. Days when you didn’t walk around like a zombie and could actually string a sentence together.

What the actual fuck has happened! This was NOT how it was meant to be!

When did we last sit down and eat together?

When did I last get to have a bath without the baby screaming for me?

When will I ever feel like having sex again?

Will my partner ever find me attractive again?

Will we ever reconnect and the feel the same way about each other again (I thought our relationship was so strong)?

I feel so guilty ALL.THE.TIME!

I feel ashamed for having these negative thoughts, the weight of this is so hard to bare, because I love this tiny person so very much, they are my absolute world.

I have lost my identity (and our identity as a couple) completely.

How am I making such an epic fuck up of this?

Why can’t I do this! I was such a powerful, independent woman that was always so in control!

How can such a tiny person be so hard to take care of?

I feel like I am failing

There must be something wrong with me

I see others doing it so much better than me

I am a rubbish Mum

I am a rubbish wife/partner

I am not good enough!

Does any of that feel familiar to you? Are you saying ‘YES’ to every point I have made above! Do you finally feel just a tiny bit less alone?

Because Mama, I hear you! I GET it! Motherhood is the toughest job on the planet…..nothing comes close!

From the moment we see that blue line our lives change forever. We feel overjoyed but a little afraid. We wait patiently for that scan to confirm there is an actual human being growing in there. And then when we finally get to hold that baby in our arms, society tells us it should all now be magical. That we should feel that immediate connection and know exactly what we are doing!

But the reality is that many of us don’t….And THAT IS OK!

The love and the bond between you, can take time to grow……and THAT IS OK!

FORGIVE yourself for all the ways in which you have beaten yourself up mentally, for all the ways your have reminded yourself that you are a bad Mum, and now ALLOW the space and time to RELEASE and move FORWARDS.

REIGNITE that spark between you and your partner, RE-CONNECT with them without having sex (because I know this is the furthest thing from your mind right now!)

And most importantly quieten that internal voice that is doing it’s best to sabotage you and RE-CONNECT with yourself! Step into your new normal.

I am here to tell you now that It is YOUR TIME TO SHINE in everything that you do

And I can support you on this journey of self (re) discovery!

Join me on my ‘I AM MORE THAN Mum’ Transformation Package here NOW

I wont say it will be easy, but I WILL promise that it will be 100% worthwhile!

You will feel more content in all areas of your life.

Release old limiting beliefs that are holding you back.

Create strategy’s, coping mechanisms to give you that sense of control back.

Be more accepting of yourself and the beautiful person you are.

Discover ways each day to feel more positive and optimistic with your life. 

Call or Email me NOW to find out more, I can’t wait to hear from you

Steph x

Steph@thenestingplace.co.uk

 

 

 

 

 

 

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