The path to conception is by far one of the hardest journeys many will experience. What starts out as a fun, carefree, exciting experience can quickly turn to into something very different. Our thoughts start out positive and upbeat and can quickly do a 360 very soon into the process.
We know that the mind and body are intricately connected, what we think plays a huge part in what we experience. A repeated thought will become a belief, and this could not be truer when we look at the process of ‘trying for a baby’.
I liken it to a seed becoming a tree! What starts out as a seed, very soon takes root, and the more we feed it and shine light on to it (negative, self-doubt, limiting thoughts and beliefs) the bigger and bigger it grows! And before we know it, and in a very short space of time, we have a large tree in full bloom, very much embedded in!
You have met the person you have decided to spend your life with and the natural next step is to begin ‘trying’ (attempting) to get pregnant. You tell yourself that you are going to be relaxed about, not get worried and enjoy the process. Sex is fun and exciting, particularly as you approach the day your period is due.
Your period arrives on time, and whilst you feel a little disappointed, you both agree that you will carry on having fun making a baby, you very quickly bury any negative thoughts that have passed through your mind fleetingly, and maybe this month you will work our roughly when you are ovulating (google it!) just so you can have an idea. Sex is fun and exciting, and you even feel that ‘it may have worked that time’.
Once again, your period arrives on time and you can’t help but feel more disappointed! You thought it was going to be different this month as you had a good idea of ovulation and you had sex around that time! You notice that the worrying and doubtful thoughts are creeping in a little more ‘what if this is not going to be as easy as we first thought’, but again you banish them as this process can sometimes take a while. You talk about it together openly, and this month you decide that you will buy some ovulation sticks so you can be surer of the right timings. You start to google some more and learn of the benefits of reducing diet, avoiding alcohol etc so you decide to give that a go this month too. Sex has become a lot less spontaneous now as you ensure it happens at the right time.
The symptoms of your period are showing themselves to you, and it is so noticeable as you have become super aware of your cycle. Your period arrives and despite your absolute best efforts to stay positive and carefree, you can’t help but feel sad that it has arrived again this month. Those negative thoughts are turned up more this month ‘maybe there is something wrong with me?’ and doubt is creeping in a little more. You have noticed that you are thinking about the fact you are NOT getting pregnant, whilst noticing everyone around you IS getting pregnant, more and more! Your partner is reassuring you that he is sure everything is fine, and that it will happen. You continue to not drink alcohol and watch what you eat, as well as start taking some vitamins that you have heard someone else recommend. You have a clear idea of ovulation, and your partner knows what is expected of him when the time is right. You still enjoy sex, but have become aware of how it is changing for you both.
You are starting to dread the two week wait between ovulation and when your period is due! The hours feel like days and days like weeks! You feel anxious and fearful that it is coming as again, the symptoms are evident, and when it does arrive, this time you shed a few tears! ‘Why is this not happening!? The girl at work announced she was pregnant last week and how it is a total accident, we are actively trying and it’s not happening!’ You have noticed that you are getting more frustrated with your partner, as they don’t really understand why you are getting so upset. After all you had both agreed that you would take it as it comes, that many couples take a while, it will happen, and that you just have to relax! But the seed of doubt has firmly embedded itself now in your head! It is all you can think about! Sex is completely mechanical and to aid the process, you are now keeping your legs in the air afterwards to give the sperm a helping hand! You crave a glass of your favourite tipple after a long day at work, but you have cut out alcohol still and can’t even have a chocolate bar as you have now eliminated sugar too! You disclose to a close friend what is happening (as she notices your no alcohol stance and draws the wrong conclusions sadly) and she tells you about her friend that joined yoga when she was trying to conceive, so you decide to find a local group and join in. You find that you really love yoga and the calmness it brings to you for that hour you are there. (You secretly hope of course that this will also mean a positive result)
It is here AGAIN! Why!!!?? Why when you are doing EVERYTHING right! You are frustrated, sad, and so concerned now that something must be wrong. Your relationship with your partner is feeling so strained, your sex life has lost its spark completely, he even makes excuses NOT to do it, and in some cases, comes home late on the important days. You are both experiencing this very differently. How can he be so relaxed about it! Everywhere you look are pregnant women and babies! You are unfollowing friends on Facebook if they announce their happy news! You go to sleep thinking about it and it is your first thought when you wake up! You look at yourself differently in the mirror, and wonder what is (not) happening inside of you? You are withdrawing socially now and making excuses to commit to events in the distant future, either because you won’t be drinking and will have to explain why (and you don’t want anyone to know!) or because you will be pregnant!
Your life in just six short months, has changed considerably! What started out as a relaxed ‘let’s see what happens if we start trying’ has turned into something you didn’t foresee at all!
How did this happen? How did having a baby become my every waking and sleeping thoughts! How can we get back to where we were before………..?
By undoing those new beliefs, you can start to re-design the landscape that has grown and taken root in your sub conscious mind (the part that drives you forward and controls pretty much everything!) and create an environment that would support you and your partners lives so much better, and in turn realigning your mind and body connection, thus optimising your fertile state.
Want to know how? Get in touch with me for a free chat.