‘You are SO lucky you have such a helpful partner’
‘So lovely to see you today, is your partner babysitting the kids?’
‘Look at that daddy doing the school run! Isn’t it amazing that he has chosen to stay home with the kids whilst his partner goes to work’
‘Wow she landed on her feet with that one! He (prefix applicable) gets up in the night with the baby/Changes nappies/does the ironing/cooks the dinner/cleans the house/)
I could go on and on here, the comments are endless, and what makes me feel saddened the most by the comments above, is that 95% of them are said to women BY women! Be it their Mum’s/sisters/friends etc etc!
Should we feel lucky that our life partners, the person we co-created our children with, does their fair share in an equal relationship! Does luck even play a part?!
From a personal perspective, I am continually told, (and I will add here, NEVER by my husband himself) that I am SO lucky because my husband is so supportive and proactive in my sons lives, he runs football and cricket teams, he cooks, he knows how to work a washing machine, he will go out late into the night on taxi duty to pick one of the boys up, AND he supports ME in my career choices 100% unwaveringly! Oh and he also holds down a very well respected position in his career choice. BUT, and here comes the most important factor…….HE IS NOT THEIR BIOLOGICAL FATHER! He is their step dad, so he also does all this with no obligation to….WHAT A SAINT I HAVE MARRIED!!! He married me and ‘all my baggage’ (having no kids of his own intentionally) because he is a wonderful man!
Ultimate level of pedestal here people! 😉
(By the way, I do ALL of the above too……….as well as wash endless amounts of dirty pants and socks, clean THREE toilets (with four men that is no mean feat!) and run a very successful business…….which of course is totally unnoticed and expected obvs….but I digress…..)
(So here comes the obligatory prefix) – My husband is a truly wonderful man, and I say that wholeheartedly,I 100% agree,he is my soul mate, my lobster (any FRIENDS fans here?) he loves me like no other, he supports me like no other, he loves and accepts my children unconditionally, and THAT MY FRIENDS, IS WHY I MARRIED HIM!
You see he HAD to be prepared to do all of that (and some!) to be in mine and the boys lives, no exception!
My sons are the most precious things I have ever created, they are my world, so to allow someone in to their lives when my marriage to their dad had broken down, was a big deal and they had to be prepared to do all of the above with no question!
Luck played no part here whatsoever! My husband will tell you of the vigorous check list I took him through on our very first date! Not only were my children worthy of having a wonderfully, strong, supportive, man in their lives, I was also NOT going to accept anything less!
I knew what I wanted for myself and the boys ten years ago, and I am even clearer now. Compromising my values and principles was never an option. Sure, I have met my husband in the middle on many occasions where we had different opinions on things, but those situations are few and far between as we are so well matched.
When I hear the words ‘you are so lucky!’ there have been times where I have felt frustrated, because these comments will be coming at me from fellow women that know me and all that I have overcome and achieved. And whilst I always have the, never-failing support from my husband, by my side, I was the one taking all the leaps WHILST parenting, running a home and all the plate spinning that comes with that!
But the most frustrating and saddening part of it all, is that these comments are just a self-reflection of how unsupported and how both emotionally and physically stretched these women are feeling within their lives and how they wish that their partners were doing the same.
By believing another woman is so lucky, what they are actually feeling is ‘I am so unlucky that my partner is not willing to do that’ or ‘Why does my partner not want to be around the kids as much as hers?’ ‘Why doesn’t my partner have dinner ready for me whilst I put the kids to bed, instead of waiting for me to do it all’ ‘I wish I could go out to work and have some time away and for my partner to have a small insight into what I actually do all-day long’
These comments will always come because somehow, we are still stuck in a society that believes women are better homemakers, care givers etc etc, BUT, we can change the internal dialogue in our heads when these comments are made, and get less upset and frustrated.
It is ONLY when we work on our own self-love, self-worth and inner confidence, that we are able to respond differently to those comments that have the potential to hurt us so much. When we KNOW what we bring to the table, and how ‘lucky’ our partners are to have us in their lives, we respond differently.
I know ALL that my husband is and what he brings to our lives, and I show gratitude to him all the time. I believe that showing appreciation is one of the reasons we have a very strong partnership. I most certainly do not need him to, do and achieve, all that I have and will continue too. BUT I want and choose to have him by my side, because he truly brings the best out of me when my own self doubt kicks in.
I also know without a shadow of a doubt, that some of his greatest achievements over the last 10 years, are also because I was firmly by his side, cheering him on and supporting him 100%. But again, he had all of this inside of him before he met me, my support and unconditional faith, allowed him to find it easier.
So, I challenge anyone that brings the luck card up to me. Luck was most definitely, and never will it be, playing a part in my relationship!