How do I ‘Un-Plug from Mum’ and go from ‘Mother to Lover’?
You are on the final stretch, after a very long, busy day. The last two hours have felt like four, is time going backwards? They are eating dinner which means, next it will be bath and story time, and then BED TIME…..halleluiah
The house looks like a hurricane has whipped itself around at least three times, and the kitchen might as well have hosted a monkey’s tea party. How can such devastation occur in such a short period of time, the house barely resembles the one you woke up to just a few hours ago.
It was a typical day of no particular excitement, just a ‘normal’ day. But after being asked 1000 questions, cleaned, wiped up (tears and dirty dishes), washed, and entertained, you feel physically and mentally wrung out…..you have nothing left in the tank whatsoever.
You then hear the familiar sound, of a car pulling up and keys in the door, signalling to you that your partner is home. This is a sound that used to excite you, but now you just sigh to yourself and continue with bedtime madness.
The kids are naturally very happy to see daddy, but you are on the final stretch, and the focus must be kept on the end game. Another pair of hands would be extremely welcomed, but it seems he has had a rough day and wants to just chill. The familiar resentment returns and begins to build.
You come downstairs, the kids are finally in bed, an exceptional feat in itself, and are very promptly reminded that your day is far from over. Restoring the house to its formal state, loading the dishwasher and prepping for the day tomorrow is the priority. However, you are met with frustration that the house is in a state of ruin, dinner is nowhere to be seen, and that he has had a rough day and needs to offload. (cue another level added to the already building resentment)
This never ending merry go round, you both find yourself on, is about to start up again, and whilst you both know what lies ahead this evening, you still willingly get on and begin the same repetitive conversation.
‘Why can’t I just come home to calmness’ ‘What have you been doing all day, the house looks like a tip’ ‘I have been out to work all day, can’t I just come home and relax’
‘You have no idea how busy our days are’ ‘What do you mean I have been at home doing nothing all day’ ‘I would LOVE to go out to work all day, and you stay home with the kids’ ‘I have been at work today too, why is everything in the house MY responsibility’ ‘I would love to get to eat and pee when I want, to have adult conversations!’
(insert what fits for you here)
The evening together is now filled with ice cold silence, you both retreat to your corners loaded with anger and resentment. Can this ever get any better, will he ever understand and appreciate how challenging my days are, and how much I do that goes unnoticed.
‘I just want to feel loved and appreciated, but right now I feel overwhelmed, invisible and like his mother!’
When was the last time you greeted or said goodbye to one another with a kiss, last held hands, or just lovingly snuggle up at the end of the day.
Will you ever have the inclination to have sex with him again? Feeling ‘up for it’ is a thing of the past, ‘who has the energy for that!’ the only desire you long for is 12 hours uninterrupted sleep.
But, you are also super aware of his desire to connect with you in this way, and deep down you long for the intimacy you once shared, but right now it just adds to the pressures in your life – The ever-growing elephant in the room – His attempts to ignite the spark, fall on deaf ears.
‘Un-Plugging from Mum’ feels impossible right now, you are constantly connected to that role, and can’t even begin to figure out how to switch that off, and switch ‘partner/wife’ back on. You have mastered the art of prolonging bedtimes, by tidying the lounge, ‘I will be up in 10 minutes’ (whilst secretly hoping he dozes off in the meantime) and then gently slip into the bed, whilst preying you don’t wake him. The only priority right now is to get as much sleep as you can, as you have no idea how much you will be getting that night.
How can you begin to go from ‘Mother to Lover’ when you feel so unloved and so unattractive?
Wouldn’t it be amazing if you knew how you could create space in your head, allowing you to release the day you have just experienced?
How welcomed would it be if you could find new ways of communicating with your partner, that allows each of you to feel heard and validated, and ultimately loved and appreciated?
Just imagine the relief you would feel from silencing the ‘negative nancy’ in your head, finally shutting her up, from playing over everything you feel you did wrong in that day, over and over and OVER again.
And finally, start the process of reigniting that spark between the two of you, begin to reconnect on a new and deeper level, as well as re-discovering what brought you together in the first place.
It is time to get off that merry go round, and live the life you deserve and crave.
To find out how I can help you please contact Lauren@laurenwild.co.uk